What can I write now that I am no longer in the single zone. Since my last blog I have entered and ended one 3 month dating period and have since reconnected with my first.
I have encountered much but I am trying to do better so that my second change works
Yes my wishes are a bit late. But a very happy, warm and welcoming 2016 to all.
The past year has thought me so much .... between letting go of what I knew I had to and for me finally walking away. Walking away and eventually finding someone more promising.
Thank you 2015 for all the lessons you have taught me, good, bad, good, ugly and all in between.
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I found when I was least expecting... With baby steps and growth, if it is meant to be then it will be.
Went to town last Sunday and surprisingly I caught the eyes of many. As the year ends, I look forward with hope for the new year as I work to change me and to find me.
There won't be any rushing or fighting... Just taking the steps necessary to find my way to that place I need to be.....
Yesterday at about 1835 I gave myself permission to finally walk away. After that last begging and pleading I realize that it is over. I thank you for the beautiful wonderful memories... I thank you for the lessons learnt..
I was holding on because of fear. I had messed up and I wanted a second chance to make it right... but that second chance never came.... and I give myself permission to accept that it never will... Yes the love is over and I must walk away...
From the two I have had, I have gained the tools I need to move on to love again... Now I have the experience of love.. the experience of heart break... to know what love really and truly is.. And now I am strong enough to know now...
Thank you N and thank you I... Thank you both for being on this journey with me,,,,,,,, Thank you...
I keep falling back into you when I promise myself that I won't.... Today I did that again.... Today I allowed you to see my pain, my hurt and my emotions.
Today I cried for love... I cried because of my hearts pain... I keep begging you ... I keep trying to be with you... Y do I keep doing it? What is wrong with me? What is wrong with my heart?
Y do I keep waiting for you to let me go instead of me letting you go? Love won't allow you to love me..... I feel like such a fool... I keep allowing my heart to be beaten .... God knows that if I could stop this pain I would so easily do it...
I am so tired of this heart of mine. So tired of all the pain that this heart of mine goes through.... To love and to be so madly and so deeply in love with you N. This heart of mine takes the tears to me...I cry..
Why do you give me all these mixed signals that go with love? I do and you accept, Why? Why let me have hope in my heart when you know that love doesn't exist in your heart anymore.? Why this pain?
Spoke with N yesterday.. Agreed to help her out.. It always come to that. I am always the helping hand. She reaches out when she wants something... The other times she is not there.. Never available for me...
