Endings and Beginnings

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I have since learned that all relationships are indeed for teaching and learning...

Losing you has shown me what not to do when in love. Though the pain is unbearable I have learnt what now to do....

Regrets.. Alone

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It's about 1354 and it is such a hot day... My energy is depleted enough though I had an energy booster smoothie.... I got an email that just deflated me... 

If I could erase so much I would.......

I have not learnt to think of that period with any fondness, just hurt and mostly numbness.... 

Go away.... just go away...
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I have an eye candy that I need to see that can be a mood changer... A is so so beautiful but I have to step cautiously.

Mixed Signals

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Sometimes our actions can and often are misinterpreted. I placed a profile pic up designed to share the feelings of my memories of my dad... 

Yet that can be missed to express emotions. Hope N doesn't misinterpret but if she does so be it. 

Growing

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Sometimes I forget just how wonderful and beautiful you are... I see you.. I think of you but I have to be rational...

In the process of my rational I have let you go... In the process of my rational I did what I needed for my heart to be ok...

I am focusing on building me up... Doing all the things that needed to be almost two plus years earlier.....

Trying to Find

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I keep trying to find but it seems so hard...

I keep trying but It seems so impossible at times

I have to keep moving on

I have to remember that it is for the best

That letting you go was for the best to focus on me.
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I have always loved movies that appeal to who I am..... Como Esquecer has fastly become a favourite of mine since my first viewing....

I see myself reflected in the coldness that is Julia, the coldness that she used to protect her heart from others. The coldness that she uses to find meaning to meaningless and mundane happening..

I see myself as Julia walking along the walls of education aware but yet unaware in her strict and coldness. Yet she is learnt and willing to share but from a distance allowing none close.

Love love this movie...

Standing in my Own

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The strength comes from moving on... Looking back but only for a bit ... Standing strong knowing that eventually the heartaches will subside....

My Own Joytime

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I have thought of you.. but I keep those thought at a distance. I put them away as quickly as they arrive. I have let you go... and it is ok.

I have told myself I will not allow me to ignore the signs, the signals, the symbols and the many warning flags that show themselves as I did before...

I rather remain alone and happy.....

Pacing the Heart

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It has been an interesting week....

I have found a bit of peace.....

The longing continues.......

The longing will always continue...........

Thougths of You

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I do think of you but I have to move on and put those thoughts aside. Yes I have missed you but this is the action forward......

As I cleaned my home I thought of you. You came so clearly through. As I lay in bed I though of you being there with me.....

As I looked at the time, I thought of you at work playing your music...

Yes I do think of you but I am finding that spaced area.

Finding Space

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Sometimes we forget the lessons learnt many times before...........

Sometimes we keep walking on the wrong road.

Sometimes the temptations to go back is so fierce and so deep.

Sometimes we forget that we are only human

Sometimes we forget the true nature of love

Sometimes we forget that we can;t always help

Sometimes we forget that people don't want to be helped

Sometimes we forget that our ways are not others 

Sometimes we forget.....

Sometimes we forget...........

Sometimes we forget...............

Sometimes we forget the lessons learnt many times before......

Where Focus Is

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I came to a point after hearing you say that "I can't focus on my personal life right now". So I got the message very loud and very clear.

Fly. Fly.. Fly.. And in your flying I wish you only the best as you travel along.

Soar

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I am trying to be distance between you and I. I am trying my hardest to set you free. As hard as it is to stay away, I find myself longing for you than I ever thought possible.

I also have to fly away.

Spacing

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I am giving you space. I am already giving to much of myself when I told me that I would give myself time to move on. You told me yesterday " You know what _____ go on and go" .... 

So I left.....

I asked you to speak to me and you didn't ... so I am leaving you alone.

Damn Damn Relationships

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Why is this so hard? Leave my heart alone...

View from Above

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It takes a while and has taken a while for me to appreciate being here and being in this moment> Many times I wish to turn back and retrace my steps but I have realized that the forward march is necessary.........

Oh how beautiful the picture can be if one takes the time to really observe it and to understand what it tells.

www.buzzquotes.com

Fighting Back

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I thought of you last night. I texted you as a result of, even though I promised myself not to do so. You didn't reply. I checked and kept checking because I know that you are always on your phone. 

Earlier today I battled in my head how to move forward, I decided first to text then to email, but I finally decided to send you Vmails. I sent 4, the first two were unintentional and the last 2 stayed and let go. I said all that I needed to say and I want that to be my last to you.

Last night I dreamt of you. This morning I awoke out of a dream where you texted and told me not to text you anymore. In my mind I kept waiting for you to say those words and in my thoughts when you did I accepted it but it hurt.

Later I slept and woke to thoughts of you, of us, I so keep wanting you and you not wanting me... Of me needing you and you not needing me.... I keep asking myself how do I do this...

The messages from you are so confusing to me. Your words are so mixed that they mix my emotions. How do I let go without you thinking I am not here for you. I told you I will wait. I keep waiting but it pains... Letting go must be the way to go... Yet the love is so real for you....

Why have you taken my heart? Why have you taken my heart N?

In love I know one had to keep fighting for what is important and what is worth fighting for... Perhaps it is you I need to keep fighting for... It is you

My Single

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About 1 1/2 to 2 months ago I made the decision to travel alone for a while. i don't know really for how long but 2015 sees me through alone.

Roughly at 10:20 pm I decided to start a blog to help me heal on this road. Their are many moments and many decisions that I have made, many things that I have done since... 

Here I will attempt to keep me sane and to keep me walking ahead despite the pains of my heart....